your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
