i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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