$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
