But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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