I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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