If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
