its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
