Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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