So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
