I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
