the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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