After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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