Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
