and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
