If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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