I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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