If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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