u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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