Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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