I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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