look no pants
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
