How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
