you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
