is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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