I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
