My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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