Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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