oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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