He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
