you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
