I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
