i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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