i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
