someone owes me an orgasm
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
