2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
