We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize