Define "chronic" masturbator.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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