I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We need to get me chipped asap
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
