He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
