shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
