Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
