is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
