is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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