i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
