how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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