If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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