and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
