So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
