That's intense
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
