You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize