so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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