Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
