Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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