You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
