White coat. Heels.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize