I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ketchup is God's man juice
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
