she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
