when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
