I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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