Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
