Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
