Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize