do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
