we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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