That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
