I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
