As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
