At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
