just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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