maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
if only i could text you this smell
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Ladies don't puke and tell
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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