i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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