we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
