...so i touched it.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
This couple is walking their pig around campus
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
