My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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