i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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