Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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