I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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