I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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