he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She bit a glass in half.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
