The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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