He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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