yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
