i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
