I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Randomize
