3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
