goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
