Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
