it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
