WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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