i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
