dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
