Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
