Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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