i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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