Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
