I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
