She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
