Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
not ubering you a puppy
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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