You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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