just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
