Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
