How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
