My first STD was from a foam party
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
