I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize