exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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