One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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