FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
