I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
