He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
