That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
