I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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