I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
