i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
