The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
