i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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