Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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