She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
