if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
